Do you remember when you were in your twenties and envisioned what you wanted your whole future to look like? Or maybe you’re in your twenties and currently do this regularly. You picture yourself going off to college or heading right into the work force after high school. You think about meeting the one you’re meant to be with, buying a house, and starting a family.
Maybe your future looks different than this, but this has always been my vision. I never expected anything about it to change, especially the starting a family part. My mom was a stay at home mom when I was young and I loved it. I always wanted to give my kids the same at some point. I guess being a young naive twenty-one year old I never contemplated the potential thought of kids not being in my future.
Until this past spring.
I am going to be super open with you all. I was diagnosed with a condition in my uterus called septate uterus. In a nutshell, I have a defect in my uterus that I was born with that created a large septum down the middle. Thus, creating “two uteruses” so to speak. Its not a genetic thing, just a hiccup in my organ development. It’s not detrimental to my health in any way. The only thing it could potentially effect is my ability to carry a baby.
The good news is this is the most common uterine birth defect. Many women DO have babies with this condition and everything turns out completely fine. Some might not even know they have it. But others struggle. Others have to endure a miscarriage or two, or three, before they figure it out. Fertility can be an issue. Surgery can be involved. When a woman finally does get pregnant (if she does), complications and high risk situations are more likely. It can be a long difficult road to having children that could end up positively or negatively.
As a young woman who has never really thought twice about being a mom someday, this news hit me hard. Many women have problems having kids, but you never think it’ll actually be you. And you especially never think that the organ that holds the baby will have something physically wrong with it.
My mom, stepdad and I went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota this past December, the best of the best, to find out how to move forward. And thank the good Lord I have awesome supportive parents who have walked next to me in every way during this process. I was officially diagnosed with a septate uterus, polycystic ovarian syndrome (super common condition in women), and a potential blockage in one or both of my fallopian tubes (this one was up in the air because the doctor was only reading the report and did not see this x-ray). Expecting maybe a surgery would at least help the uterus piece, the doctor said he doesn’t recommend anything until after I try to get pregnant someday. So what do I hear? “You have three potential barriers. So, have a miscarriage or two, get frustrated because you’re ready for kids, maybe in vitro or fertility pills, and if all of that fails, then we’ll try something else”.
Some of you might think this is “too private” to share publicly and that I should keep medical information to myself. But in my opinion, we don’t talk about things enough. We’re expected to clam these things up because we don’t want the world knowing there is something medically going on with us. Or anything for that matter. Society expects us to put on our “perfect pants” for everyone else, when in reality we ALL have crap going on. We ALL struggle in some way or another and it is OKAY to open up about it.
So why do I share this story with you? It’s not for sympathy what so ever. It’s not for attention. I share this story for those who have something going on in their lives, not just medical, that need some love and support and to know that someone is there for them. I share this story to encourage and give hope that God has something BIGGER. He has a beautiful plan for the situation you’re in and I promise He will help you understand if you let Him. He will use it for good.
In the midst of the potentials and emotions in my situation, I am blessed. I’m blessed to have found this out completely by accident way before babies were in the picture. I’m blessed to have amazing parents who have been with me every step of the way. I’m blessed to have an amazing God by my side who has a plan and already knows the outcome.
Perspective, gratitude, and trust are what I am reflecting on today.
God puts us in places in our lives to make us see things differently. I never ever thought that having kids someday might be harder than I think. But I now have a completely different heart for those who struggle with this. I see babies as some of the most precious prizes in the world. Someday, if and when I have kids, I will appreciate them more than anything. God has a reason for changing our perspectives.
God uses situations in our lives to make us appreciate and be more grateful for the good things. I could focus strictly on the negatives of this situation. But I choose to see how blessed I am to already know what I know about my condition. I can’t imagine having problems conceiving someday and not truly understanding why. I appreciate that I can plan accordingly and have an idea of what to expect when that time comes.
Trust. God has a plan. Something good and precious will come of this and I might not understand it, but He already knows. He knows what will happen. He has this situation wrapped around his finger and He has reasons that I’ll certainly ask Him someday if He doesn’t reveal them to me in this life. This is just another obstacle to trust Him with. He turns everything into good.
I encourage you to view unfortunate or confusing situations of yours in a similar manner. How is God using this to change you? Is He working on your perspective? Is He trying to show you the importance of gratitude? Is he showing you how important it is to trust Him? Or is he doing all three?